Lea's

I love talking to my father. Knowing that his work is so serious, I make it a point that when we talk, light lang. We’d talk about Lakers, boxing, eating Chinese dishes, cars, dogs etc. No problems or issues. I just want him to feel that his family is different from work.

So anyway, the morning of his birthday, I went to his room and greeted him a happy birthday. I asked him if he’s okay because he has flu. He said that he’s okay. Then I asked him how old is he na. I know it’s early 50’s, but I still said, 60 ba? He said he’s 25 years old na. Bumabata daw.

That’s what you said so that is what I will believe.

Loove you papi! My turn to pay bills! Super joke lang hahaha!

The best thing about rainy season is that it gives you the license to hang out in the nearest (or even the farthest) coffee house. Bring that book you’ve been dying to read. Or perhaps bring your laptop. Then don’t forget our iPod (make sure it’s loaded with those relaxing songs). But if you forgot it, it’s fine. Manila’s coffee houses are filled with soothing music, playing all day long.

Then buy a grande hazelnut mocha. Sit at the corner coffee table. Ponder.

I love it.

And what makes the whole thing so stunning and special, is that when you look outside the coffee house, you’ll see, hear and feel every drop of the rain.

The perfect waste of time.

Last Tuesday morning, the mother talked to me and my brother. She was serious and nervous. She said she has something to tell us. First, I need to calm down daw. I might get mad daw kasi. So I told her no I won’t. Then she told us that that morning, the father ordered our helpers to let go of baba and dada. Let them run around the backyard. So okay. Then after a few minutes, they saw baba near our fugly dog. Our fugly dog was doing baba.

No, I didn’t get mad. I got hysterical. For a minute the world stopped and I thought, what will I do? My golly! Baba might get pregnant and the freakin` father will be who, that freakin` fugly dog? No freakin` way!

I have taken care of baba and dada for almost a year now. I’m just starting to breed Siberian Huskies and it’s so hard. That’s why as much as possible, I don’t want them to get cultured.

I know that I sound mean, but if you want the best, you have to pick what is really best for the best.

Now I know what mothers feel when they learn their teenage daughter’s pregnant.

Things that annoy me.

• People who doesn’t flush toilet. If the flush isn’t working, try to pour water at least. You know, you’re not the only one who’s going to use it.
• The girl in front of me sa church kanina. She keeps on combing and combing and combing her long hair. Hindi yan ddirecho, kulot ka e.
• Drivers who occupy two lanes, whether in streets or in parking lots.
• Buses, jeepneys, FX and cabs along Ortigas. They always cause traffic in Ortigas. Always.
• Yung mga baklang naglalagay ng padding sa chest area then kunwari boobs. Kapag yuyuko sila, tatakpan pa nila. Asa ka pa, pare.
• Pimples and zits. Like kisses, nanganganak sila.
• Because of our gay helper, ang boses ng mayna namin ay pambakla din. Koala (our Mayna) keeps on calling names of boys.
• Pedestrians who keep on crossing kahit naka-green light. If something bad happens, kasalanan pa ng driver.
• Tutti Frutti Fragrances. Do you really want to smell like a fruit stand?
• People who wear printed tops and bottoms at the same time. Samahan pa natin ng animal-printed shoes.
• The unending fuel increase. I will so join contests with free one year supply of fuel as their prize.
• And lastly, unnecessary & unwanted thoughts and voices. Please, spare me.

The very first time I heard this song, I hated it. It was so tacky and nakakabingi.

But I'm loving it right now. Every word, every melody, every music.

Especially this version (better than the original, believe me). A must-hear.

This is the most gay conversation I ever had. And through this, I just realized that gays are very intelligent and funny. You'll hear them speak words of wisdom and lust. That's why it's fun to have gay friends. Thank God I got a gazillion of them.

Here it goes.

Mama, paano ko malalaman kung gay ang isang lalaki??

Ahaha!
Natawa ako dun.
Not unless you have installed the latest nimbus gaydar 08, hindi mo malalaman.
Or if you have kahit lumang version, pero finetuned pa rin.
Better yet, MMS photo sa akin.

Mahirap makakuha ng copy ng original gaydar 08 e.
I don’t have a photo.
Pero you can check his friendster.
Public yung profile niya.
Info lang mama: song niya sa iPod niya – bills bills bills by Destiny’s Child!
My golly! Huhuhu!

Let’s not make any harsh conclusions.

E how would I know?
Like any test or something.
Panget kasi if I ask him e.

Later, ate.
By tomorrow, may verdict na tayo.

Mama super thanks!
I wouldn’t ask you if hindi na ito malala.
Baka maging kanser na ito.

Anak, just read his profile.
By carefully reading it, may hints that he is.
Don’t worry, I’ll ask a second opinion.
But may kutob akong he is.

Malala na ba mama?

Just received the text from a friend who happens to know him.
Confirmed.
Sorry anak sa masamang balita.

Friend??
My golly!
Bakit? Anong confirmed?

Ate siya.

Mama!!!
Am gonna die!
Baka naman bi!
Nagluluksa nako.

Tantanan ako sa bi effect ha.
Yang yung mga hindi lang makapagsabing gay sila.
Deep nside they desire guys. Ahaha!

Mama bakit ganyan ang circle niyo, closing doors to women who deserve greatness!
Hahaha! Nako, super gay friends na lang kami.

Anak, kamusta ka naman?
Have you recovered?

Naaccept ko na na he’s a she.
Pero bakit nilalandi ko pa din hahaha!
Lalim ng voice!
Mama baka naman may pag-asa pa.
Baka he’s a he.
Just confused!

Baka ikaw ang magpabago sa kanya.
Dahil sa’yo maging transgender na siya. Ahaha!

Hahaha sira!
Kapag nagawa kong lalaki yun, masusulat na ako sa books!
Kumakanta nga siya ng touch my body e.
Friend siya ng friend mo?

Same sila ng org.
I don’t know if classmates din sila sa college.

My golly!
He’s not gay here.
Pero kinda gumagay ang colors ng long sleeves e.
Paano ba magbago ng gay mama?

Ahaha! Hindi na yan magbabago!
Ano ba! Maging faghag ka na lang niya.

Super gay friends na lang kami?? No!
Hindi ba pwede maggive up kayo ng isang member?
Hindi siya ganun kaimportant sa inyo no hahaha!

Gaga! Touch move.

Mama, yayain ko nga ito manuod ng sex and the city hahaha!

Oo, on Friday evening.
Para makita namin.

Nakit mo naman diba?
Can change pa siya!

Haha! Lea!!
Natatawa ako sa’yo!

Baka kasi confused lang siya.
Pero sige, super gay friends na lang kami.
Girl na lang kami pareho!
Inonovena ko siya kay St. Jude!

After a month of brainstorming slash planning, buying materials, cutting the yero, carving styro balls, painting styro balls, searching for wacky ahente photos, removing magnets, printing race circuits, photoshopping, then arranging all the said stuffs, finally.. the project is finished.

I present to you the GMO’s execution update board! Here, the ahentes of our team can monitor their status on each activity we have. Our boss can see who’s doing great and who’s kulelat. According to him, ito ang wall of fame or shame. It’s pretty cool. You can move the drivers and race cars kasi magnetic siya. Sir Stephen wanted the Formula 1 theme since parang ganun ang karera ng sales. Ika nga, drivng force is the key. Gusto ko nga San Lazaro theme e, kaso jologs yun. Yung ulo ng mga ahente, ulo ng kabayo hahaha!

Masyado kaming proud ni Yvanne na nagpaphoto kami with it! Uber nice na nakakaiyak!

I love it so much kasi pinaghirapan namin yan nila Yvanne and others. I even went to work one Sunday morning just to arrange these boards! Mind you, this is my first project in my job. And it feels so damn good to hear our boss say Ang ganda, ang ganda! Sobrang ganda! ng paulit-ulit. Miss Thea even said to us that Sir Stephen never imagined that we could produce this kind of “art”. Talk about pogi points!